the game

once in a while
i glimpse another part of me
in a stranger's eyes
and so the game begins
the smile,
inviting challenging,
the touch,
sparkling the sensous tingling
the pulse,
becoming the sound of drums
the hunger,
once satisfied,
returns again a million times stronger
and the flame -
burns too bright too soon sizzles and dies. ~r

the difficult path

the difficult path
to meet grief and despair
is to realise that dreams and hopes
grow only by onslaughts
of the initiation of the soul to Endings
and to be silent - listening to the sacred songs
songs that hold the secrets of the soul

the difficult path
to meet grief and despair
is to accept the spinning of fate
and the turning of time
and to open the door
take the step into the Unknown
dancing to the rythmn and the lead of Fate.

~r

Paris

Alone
in a crowded city built on romance
What am I supposed to do?
Should I stay and wait for you?
What am I supposed to do?
Should I go and look for you?
What am I supposed to do?
Screaming out, break the silence
and empty this void for you?
~r

is love a delusion?

"Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another" ~ quote of day on Bangsar Bodega's board

3 comments (not doing a Carrie Bradshaw here):
1. Love oftentimes IS a delusion (illusion, even and for some of us elusion) . OR is it lovers who are often times deluded? I read somewhere that one only knows if it's truly LOVE (with capital L, O, V and E) on hindsight, years and years later, after its tried and tested. For the present, it s very much a gamble or an act of faith - love or delusion?
2. That comment is hilarious! I think it s a cynical stupid remark (am I sounding too judgmental?). There are no 2 identical women. Even twins differ. And WOMEN - we take pride in our diversity... in fact, no one woman remains the same one minute to another .. it's a SO female trait - we are fickle!
3. If all women were the same, then life is so much easier for men - no more search for the elusive "IT- girl", no issues with commitment, fidelity and insecurities. BLISS.

I am getting back to work... p.s "delusion" also defined in the Oxford English Ref dictionary as " a symptom or form of mental disorder" :-)

how?

Sleepless last night
Wake up in the morning
Flooded with day light
All the things I've dreamt
Repeating in my head
And I stare into emptiness
face to face with loneliness
What did I expect?
Did I see forever in you, my dream?
I never wanted it to hurt
I hope you're satisfied
I never was.
How can I miss
That which I never had
How can I forget
the dream which I never lived.

~r

sunny hague days

(a special mention of the hague and e.e cummings, i think will do justice
to the simple enchantment of the Hague)

" i thank You God
for most this amazing day:
for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;
and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;
this is the birth day of life and love and wings:
and of the gay great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing
seeing breathing any-
lifted from the no of all nothing
- human merely being doubt unimaginably You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)".

~ e. e. cummings

of fire and ice

Some say
the world will end
in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted
of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction
ice
Is also great
And would suffice.


-Robert Frost

freedom?

From the beginning,
women have made men
pay for sex -
- a leg of wild boar, goldchains, marriage.
Now, their daughters give it away,
call it freedom!
~Hilary Tham

love?

"Love is a joint experience between two persons
- but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved.
There are the lover and the beloved,
but these two come from different countries.
Often the beloved is only a stimulus for all the stored-up love which has lain quiet within the lover for a long time hitherto.
And somehow every lover knows this.
He feels in his soul that his love is a solitary thing.
He comes to know a new, strange loneliness and it is this knowledge which makes him suffer."
~steven mitchell

mystery of the heart

We may one day unlock all the physical secrets of life.
We may eventually decipher
the miracles of the universe,
raise the principles of science
and the musings of philosophy
to unknown horizons.
We may banish ignorance
on a galactic scale,
but no matter how far we travel,
or what wonders we create,
we will never fully comprehend
that which defines our humanity.
We will never penetrate the sublime mystery of the heart,
and nor should we.
Unlike baby milk or the speed of light,
Love will never be reduced to formula.
It will be fated as the eternal irony.

~spink

bitter love

Bitter love, a violet with its crown
of thorns in a thicket of spiky passions,
spear of sorrow, corolla of rage: how did you come
to conquer my soul? What via dolorosa* brought you?

Why did you pour your tender fire
so quickly over my life's cool leaves?
Who pointed the way to you? What flower,
what rock, what smoke showed you where I live?

Because the earth shook - it did -, that awful night
then dawn filled all the gobblets with its wine;
the heavenly sun declared itself;

while inside, a ferocious love wound around
and around me - till it pierced me with its thorns, its sword,
slashing a seared road through my heart.

(Pablo Neruda Sonnet III)

(* via dolorosa: way of suffering - the legendary road Christ was supposed to have taken and forced to carry his heavy cross naked after being tortured throughout the night)

miracles

Sermon topic : Why do we need miracles?
My lesson: To love Him for His Person and not what He can do for me.
Having God in my life is more than enough.
Can I utter my daily prayers without asking for anything for myself?
That will be a challenge especially at this time.
What i will ask is for His Will be done and leave it at that, with trust that He knows best.

One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody, everything, every night before you go to bed.-Bernard M. Baruch
It's not so much for a long and fruitful life for me- it's more so for restful sleeps at night. Been tossing the past few evenings - my mini emotional tsunami - not from all the excitement of Christmas - more so of realising how fallible and undiscerning i can be with matters of the heart. Albeit it's Christmas, and it's a season for giving - nothing can excuse my overspending matters of the heart. In the clear mindedness on Christmas morn, it's time to make amends of mistakes made. The visa of heart currencies afforded to a scrooge was withdrawn. I learn to forgive myself, the scrooge, and all the intentional wrongs or otherwise mistakes unintentional - and hopefully i will sleep with a smile and wake up with one soon enough. ~r

my choice

give me pain,
if that be the price of friendship,
tears
rather than the cold distain for love
i rather be
laughing and hurting
than be a dweller of grave and tombs.
~ r

agenda

"The love of people is at the same time a love for God. For when we love one, we necessarily love one's handiwork".- Judah Low

This almost marks the end of another year. 2004 has been eventful, filled with many challenges, touching moments, loving times, and some moving heart-tendering episodes. I hate endings and goodbyes. Then again, I love new beginnings - on Christmas morn, I took up a challenge from a friend to have Love my agenda for 2005. Tall order, but I am a believer - and so - yes, Love will be the agenda for 2005 for this girl. A parting gift - "any decision and action taken based on Love can never go too wrong". So, I hope you too will have Love on your agenda for 2005! ~r

matter of the heart

It is a matter of the heart
after all
But we have spoken of it
so many times before
It has costs so much already
- must it cost more?
How much more must it take away
And who shall bear such cost
Seemingly only an act
- difficult to remember
difficult not to do
But perhaps only seemingly difficult
An act grown large
for the price which has had to be paid
So what ought I do now
Do I make silence my companion
For when a tree falls in the forests
and there are no ears to hear
there is no noise any way
Perhaps it is of little consequence
after all - it is only a matter of the heart.

~r

life

The book of life
beginswith pages
virginal and clean,
proclaiming innocence
yet strangely tempting
to the childish mind
behind the unformed handt
o make its presence felt
and leave a mark
to show where it has been
-and as we write upon the pages
each life unfolds as stories lived
and written by us all,
of drama,
mystery or
comedy
of heroes,
villains
and adventurers
some written with a carefree flourish
some neatly following the lines,
and others in a careless scrawl
-No matter if our book
is short or long,
or if it is remembered down the years,
we must expect
that even in the happiest of fairy tales,
there will always be some chapters
blank with boredom
-there will always be some pages
smudged with tears .....

~Nan Witcomb